Awkward Silence

If not appreciated for its unique ability to bring clarity, awkward silence can be a very uncomfortable thing. I know this all too well because I had a tendency in the past to spout my opinion before listening to the insights, thoughts, and opinions of others. Consequently, I found myself in the place of the fool "who answers before listening." (Proverbs 18:13)

Listening has huge implications for leaders..."Listening is giving attention; talking is taking attention. Asking questions is inviting others to participate; making statements is taking away their opportunity to contribute. If leaders can keep the give vs. take framework in their mind as they go through their everyday activities, they'll have a values-based compass for taking the right actions and making the best long-term decisions." Verne Harnish http://goo.gl/w12c6

As the old saying goes, "God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason." While using my mouth less has significantly helped, I still have much to learn in the area of intentional listening. Join me this year in embracing awkward silence and find that, "wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you." (Proverbs 2:10-11)

Labels

Labels are on everything. They're on clothing, furniture, food packages, medicine, cars, and buildings. Just about everything we encounter has a label of some form. At one level labels are a good thing. They identify things for us. They tells us where we are or what we are buying or eating or wearing or the proficiency of the person performing surgery on our body. So, labels can be good.


Labels can also be bad, especially when it comes to labeling people. Sometimes labels can be added with little to no substantive reason. They exist because someone attached it and for whatever reason, it stuck. Consider the example in John 9:1-3 with Jesus' encounter with the blind man and his ensuing conversation with his disciples,  As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” "Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." The disciples jumped to a wrong conclusion based upon wrong presupposition. They assumed the worst.


Some labels come as a result of truth, others come as a result of error. Paul instructs Timothy "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." (1 Tim 4:12) In other words, "don't let someone label you incorrectly." Being a leader has side effects. One of the side effects of leading others, is that people will label you. Good or bad, like it or not, it will happen. You can't change the fact that others will label you. What you can change is how they label you.


How would someone label you? Is that label accurate? Is that a label you should embrace or reject? If it's not accurate or desired, what must you do to change it?

What's your passion?

Passion is a word that has frequently been used to indicate something more than romantic endeavors. This other kind of passion has more to do with obsession, fervor, or zeal. We can be passionate about many things in life: family, friends, or the taste of a perfectly smoked rack of ribs. Passion can be positive or negative. But there is one defining factor about passion, whether for people or things: it’s consuming.

The Bible states, in John 2:17, that Jesus’ passion for his Father’s House consumed him. In this text, Jesus is enraged that the Temple had been turned into a “den of thieves.” In spite of the fact that the Temple was misused by the greedy, led by leaders who were, “white washed tombs full of dead men’s bones,” Jesus never lost his passion. He looked beyond what was wrong with the system and saw what was right with it. He didn’t allow the abuses, power mongering, and political games that were common practice within the religious system to set aside God’s purpose for his Temple. Jesus was passionate.

What about you? What are you passionate about? What consumes your thoughts, emotions, and dreams? What is the thing that fills you up like nothing else?

Are you spending a significant amount of time doing what you are most passionate about? If not, why not? What is one thing you can do to spend more time in your area of passion?

Shades of Grace

I will never forget one Sunday after the worship services when I was about eight years old, my always-insightful older brother took me to the “pulpit”, to observe something that he described as, “you have got to see this!” He positioned me in the same spot that the pastor typically stood.  At that point, my brother instructed me to look closely at the top of the podium, which was made of some sort of Formica © product, that was matte black in color. I looked and then turned to my brother and said what only a little brother can say with the proper intonation, “what?” My older, more perceptive brother then gestured towards what could only be described in the mind of an eight year old as, “eew.” There, splattered all over the top of the podium was obviously the dried saliva of our exuberant pastor. Clearly, our pastor’s ‘hellfire’, condemnation preaching was further illustrated by his dried DNA covering the podium.

Having grown up in an atmosphere where Romans 8:1 wasn’t heavily preached, I came to believe that my only hope for salvation was to not simply bow the knee, but then work my butt off to appease God.

Consequently, walking away from that environment wasn’t too difficult. In fact, it was quite easy and enormously freeing.  Nevertheless, God’s grace was heavy in my life and drew me back ‘into the fold’ in due time. Upon resuming the journey of faith some years later (in a different church), I began to hear lots of teaching on God’s grace. Admittedly, I liked this concept. Grace. Grace for salvation (Eph 2:8-10); grace for security of the believer (John 10:27-29); grace for daily living (Romans 8:1); what a concept! I loved this ‘grace’ thing. Why hadn’t someone brought this up before?

However, after the "Grace Awakening" took hold I noticed yet another shift taking place. I began to realize there was a whole generation of believers that seemed to embrace this grace idea...to a fault. “I’m under grace!” became the mantra for an excuse to live with no boundaries, and little to no discipline. “It’s okay, we’re forgiven”, “we need to be ‘in the world’”, and “I don’t have to practice holiness, I am holy because of Christ,” only works for a while. Because eventually, the lack of boundaries and discipline has a way of eroding our character, leaving us empty, and plagued by our own dysfunction (Romans 6:15).

I know what you’re thinking; my thoughts are probably much like yours. “What I’m doing, or not doing, isn’t sin. It’s a choice that I have because of the freedom I have in Christ. I don’t have to live under a legalistic set of rules any longer.” Is that close? If so, then, ask yourself one very simple question: Has the ‘freedom’ you have embraced brought you freedom or bondage (Gal. 5:13)? Now, if you can honestly say that the removal of disciplined practices and holy living has brought you into a deeper, fuller experience with Jesus…then, I suppose you’ve stumbled upon something. But quite honestly, it’s not biblical, but before you click the close button, allow me to explain.

Dallas Willard once wrote, “Grace is not opposed to effort. It is opposed to earning. Effort is action. Earning is attitude. You have never seen people more active than those who have been set on fire by the grace of God. Paul, who perhaps understood grace better than any other mere human being, looked back at what had happened to him and said: ‘By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me.’ (I Cor. 15:10)”

Now, there’s no way I’m going back to screaming, spitting and condemnation as a motivator for godly living. I’m cured. I have no need to take on that weight again. Once was more than enough, it nearly ruined my view of God.

However, if we ever hope to go beyond where we are presently, it will require change. What must change? It can be stated in one word: effort. Anything we want in life requires due diligence, including our walk with God.

Ask the question

Seth Godin notes in his blog (http://sethgodin.typepad.com), “A guy walks into a shop that sells ties. He's opened the conversation by walking in.

Salesman says, "can I help you?"

The conversation is now closed. The prospect can politely say, "no thanks, just looking."

Consider the alternative: "That's a [insert adjective here] tie you're wearing, sir. Where did you buy it?"

Conversation is now open. Attention has been paid, a rapport can be built. They can talk about ties. And good taste.”

What if we applied that principle to all of life, not simply business? What might happen if we choose to engage people in dialogue on the street, in the restaurant, across the driveway, and, yes, even in the Church? As Godin so aptly stated, “rapport can be built”. Imagine the impact that can be made for the sake of the Gospel. Go ahead, ask the question, you might just be pleasantly surprised with what you learn, who you meet, and the impact it has on everyone, including you.

Trust Me!

Trust is an often-touted value in life, yet it continues to seem illusive in many venues, including unfortunately ministry. We are reminded to trust in God dozens of times in Scripture when we are afraid (Ps 56:3), when we are anxious (Jn. 14:1), for our salvation (Jn. 12:36), etc. We are cautioned against trusting in things, idols, power, money, etc. To say that the concept of trust is a major theme throughout the Bible is an understatement. The very thing that would relieve our stress, bring contentment, and develop deeper relationships, is in fact, trust. Trust in God and trusting relationships with others.

Patrick Lencioni in his best seller, Five Dysfunctions of a Team, indicates that ‘lack of trust’ is the primary inhibitor in the growth of teams. Many staffs have gone through trust seminars, trust exercises, trust conversations, etc. Yet, as much press as the subject has received, it continues to be the number one issue facing most ‘teams’.

What makes trust so seemingly inaccessible to so many staffs, teams, families, churches, etc.? The concept of trust is quite simple; it is what Lencioni states as “the willingness of one person to be completely human with another.” That doesn’t sound that onerous does it? However, it is seldom that we experience trusting relationships on a consistent basis.

Strangely enough, as much as books like Good to Great, by Jim Collins, applaud the value of the ‘Level 5’ leader who demonstrates, “personal humility” and “compelling modesty”, we continue to plow further down the path towards arrogance and narcissism. While we could dive into the ‘why’ of that, instead, let’s consider a few guaranteed corrective measures, starting with the most obvious first:

1.     Develop Self-Awareness. One of the most needed things among leaders, especially those in the ministry, is self-awareness. Acknowledging our weaknesses is job #1. Until we become self-aware, we will continue to run into the same problems.

2.     Ask for help. What could possibly be so hard about saying, “I know I am not great at everything, I have areas to grow in, I could use your help”? Probably the healthiest thing that we can ever do is admitting our need of others.

3.     Be personable. A key issue prohibiting trust within groups is a lack of knowledge of others. Spend time with other people, have conversations, get to know them on a personal level. Know and be known.

4.     Be open. Open communication, without covering, is without question the most positive practice towards building trust we can ever implement. When we are not forthright with others, trust is chipped away.

5.     Go first. If we are the leader in an organization, we must set the pace. If we want trust, we must extend trust by practicing 1-4 above. If we don’t trust is breached and the cycle continues. Even if we are not the leader, we can still go first. We can choose to be a pace setter in our organization and/or family by creating environments of trust, and in so doing we may very well transform the atmosphere. Whichever the case, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

"I can't do this alone!"

If you've been involved in ministry more than a few months, you realize the value of partnership in the Gospel. Paul spoke of partnership in Philippians 1:3-5: "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now."

In the standard Fall semester process of debriefing students from their summer internships, I encountered one of the recurring lessons learned: "I realized I couldn't do it alone." That alone is worth the cost of the internship. For those who have been in ministry a short time or a lifetime, that lesson never changes.

While the truth of "I can't do it alone" never fades, sometimes our memory of that truth does fade. It can fade when the tyranny of the urgent takes over and we run out of time before we run out of things to do. When that happens, stress levels rise, energy lowers, frustrations mount, and those we 'care' for suffer most. Everything that we don't want to happen in our ministry settings and personal life suddenly...happens. 

It's easy to realize the truth on the backside of stress, but why can't we remember that on the front side? And more importantly, how do we insure that we don't wind up in the same spot again? How can we go about being proactive rather than reactive and strategic rather than 'flying by the seat of our pants'?

Here are a few steps that if applied regularly should prevent us from looking around the room and realizing we're all alone:

1. Plan Consistently. I know, it’s a ‘dirty word’ for many who read this. There are the free-spirited who love to live for the moment, and want to believe that if we plan we work against the Spirit’s moving. Consider the following:

• Proverbs 15:22: "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."
• Proverbs 16:3: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
• Proverbs 20:18: "Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance.

I could give you numerous additional Biblical references to support the idea of planning, but I will refrain. The bottom line is this: Plan. Seek God through the Bible, through prayer, through the counsel of the wise and plan accordingly. Not planning runs contrary to the principles of Scripture and will in the end, bring about frustration and ultimately failure. Additionally, refusing to plan is a guaranteed deterrent to attracting highly qualified volunteers. Capable people want to work within quality environments.

To those who would say, “I’m not very administrative” or “I don’t know how”, I would say, “work on it.” Stop using your lack of expertise as an excuse for subpar ministry.

2. Recruit Constantly. Always be on the lookout for those individuals who love serving, have gifts that are different from yours, and think differently than you do and recruit them. Surround yourself with a diversity of gifts, talents, and viewpoints to provide a 360 perspective.

3. Equip Well. Spend the time, money, and effort to invest in a leadership team. Whatever it costs in investment, it pays in dividends.

4. Empower Fully. One of the most debilitating things we can ever do to a person is to give responsibility without authority. As much as is possible, when giving responsibility, give authority. One of the most empowering gifts we can give others is trust. Without trust, we breed frustration within our ranks, and ultimately dismantle our team.

5. Replace Yourself. As counterintuitive as it is, one of the healthiest things that we can do for our ministry is to provide an environment that breeds leaders. The less dependent that the ministry is upon us, the better off it will be in the end. It sounds terrifying because we think that if we seek to empower others to the point of being able to replace ourselves we might in fact be replaced. While that is possible, it’s highly unlikely. Why? Because most people love a leader who thinks more highly of others than he does of himself (Philippians 2:3; Romans 12:3).

While you are waiting...

Often I am asked, "What do I do to stay current and relevant while I am in-between ministry jobs?" In the current economic environment, that's a question that is being asked more and more and is a worthwhile conversation. Below are a few things that I would encourage if you find yourself in that situation.

1. Pray like crazy. I know this is obvious, but nothing you can do will ever supersede the power of God to accomplish His purposes in your life. We are called to be persistent in prayer (i.e. parables of lost coin, pearl of great price, prodigal son). It seems that our Father wants to see our desperation and dependence before He moves.
2. Stay connected through volunteering. Doing so proves that you are committed to ministry regardless of money. That is the #1 thing that you can do to communicate to others that you are a worthy candidate.
3. Stay current through reading books, blogs, articles, etc. about culture, trends, and streams of thought within ministry. This will enable you to have relevant conversations whenever the opportunity arises.
4. Develop relationships within the church. Depending on the church, they may frequently get calls asking for recommendations. If you are engaging staff in dialogue about ministry through casual conversations over coffee, in the hall, etc., your name will come to mind when they receive those calls requesting recommendations.
5. Network outside your church. If your pastor is going to a ministry conference, ask if you can tag along (however, these conferences are quite expensive, so it may not be possible). But, these are fantastic networking venues. If this is not realistic, find other ways that you can network with others.
6. Be faithful to your calling. I am keenly aware of your hopes and dreams of being in a paid ministry position. However, you must honestly answer the question: Did God call me to ministry to be paid for ministry or simply to minister? While often we are blessed by seeing both of those components integrated, that’s not always the case. Not to be a negative, but simply realistic. When I was in undergrad school, I tried to volunteer within our church. The doors were all shut. Then, I heard about a guy I knew who was pastoring a small church on the other side of town. I met him one day and asked if he needed anyone to help with students. He couldn’t believe it and was thrilled that I offered. My wife and I started attending the church and helping with the Youth Ministry. That eventually turned into a part time position for the next three years, which God used to provide experience so that after grad school I moved into a full time position at another location. When we are faithful in the small things...

Take a look in the mirror… and don’t forget

Scripture indicates that the person who looks into the mirror and immediately forgets what he looks like is a fool. In writing about being a doer of the Word and not just a hearer, James writes, “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like” James 1:23-24.

As followers of Christ, we must be careful that we take honest evaluations of ourselves and become increasingly self-aware. Often we encounter difficult people in our daily lives. It's just a fact of life. The key to having positive outcomes as a result of those encounters has more to do with us, than it has to do with others. God is committed to conforming us into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). While the dysfunctional people we encounter may indeed need to be corrected or encouraged; the greater work to be done may be within ourselves.

When God begins to show you patterns in your life, take note. Are there many “burned bridges” in your life relationally? Have you hopped from one relationship, job, or church to another? Do you ever have recurring thoughts like: “they just don’t get it,” or “they are stuck in their ways”? If so, you might want to consider looking in the mirror.

Upon counseling a particular person, it became evident that they had one clash after another with different people. As the young man continued telling me about how his parents were so difficult to get along with, his friends had forsaken him, and how his fiancé had broken up with him, I asked him a question. “What do you see as the common denominator in all these relationships?” He looked at me with eyes filled with astonishment and said, “it’s me!” Exactly.